The NBA/Lunchtime Lottery Mock Draft

The NBA Draft is right around the corner, and by now you’ve probably read through a bunch of mock drafts, rolling your eyes because they all looked the same. Here at SiriusXM, we like to go against the grain, so … Continued

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SiriusXM Editor
June 22, 2016

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The NBA Draft is right around the corner, and by now you’ve probably read through a bunch of mock drafts, rolling your eyes because they all looked the same. Here at SiriusXM, we like to go against the grain, so we decided to put together a mock draft comparing this year’s potential lottery picks to your favorite foods. You may be asking yourself, “How did they come up with such an amazing idea?! There has to be an amazing story behind it.” It was lunchtime. The end.

Hot_pizza1. Philadelphia 76ers- Pizza (Ben Simmons, PF, LSU)

Doric Sam: I’m pretty sure it’s a universal belief that if you don’t like pizza, there’s something wrong with you (or you’re lactose intolerant). Just as pizza can go well with any set of toppings, Ben Simmons fits within any offense and can play alongside anyone. He has that universal appeal, he will satisfy all the guests at your party and you’d be stupid not to want him.




This photo is from my book 101 Chicken recipes availabe at Los Angeles Lakers- Chicken Cordon Bleu (Brandon Ingram, SF, Duke)

Brian Lauvray: Cordon bleu translates to “blue ribbon” from French and that’s exactly what you’re getting with Brandon Ingram: a blue-ribbon player. Sure, much like the chicken, Ingram is gonna be a little raw to start, but once dude starts gelling with, uhh, whatever talent the Lakers have on their roster, Brandon Ingram’s game is gonna be as delicious as that ooey-gooey, cheese-and-ham-stuffed-chicken breast.







bahama mama3. Boston Celtics- Bahama Mama cocktail (Buddy Hield, SG, Oklahoma)

DS: A simple cocktail that packs a wallop. That’s Hield’s game. Icy cold and liable to leave your head spinning after too many, Hield’s offense should be an instant impact in Boston, much like the rum, coconut rum, grenadine trio of a Bahama Mama impacts your judgement and decision making.






Pdp_7_layer_burrito4. Phoenix Suns- 7-Layer Burrito from Taco Bell (Dragan Bender, PF, Croatia)

BL: He’s a legit 7-footer and his game has nearly as many damn aspects to it as Taco Bell’s legendary (and delicious! and vegetarian-friendly!) 7-Layer Burrito. Get outta here with your weak-ass game, Chipotle, and get real with Dragan Bender’s Drazen 2.0 skill set.





Chicken Parmigiana

5. Minnesota Timberwolves- Chicken Parmesan (Jamal Murray, SG, Kentucky)

DS: A popular main course item, we’re drafting “best available” as opposed to “best fit” here. Jamal Murray is a very good outside shooter to add to Minnesota’s young core. Much like chicken parm, Murray’s upside and versatility (pasta dish OR a sandwich, three-ball range and driving abilities) when compared with other menu items/draftees puts him over the top.



Gouda-Cheese-146. New Orleans Pelicans- Aged Gouda Cheese (Kris Dunn, PG, Providence)

BL: Kris Dunn is arguably the most polished player in this year’s draft and he’ll be ready to start for the Pelicans from day one. He’s the aged Gouda on the cheese platter at your fancy wine party that will impress your snooty guests who like to talk about vacationing off the coast of Italy and wear monocles with their twirled up mustaches.



page_img_sushi_017. Denver Nuggets- Sushi (Marquese Chriss, PF, Washington)

DS: A raw talent (Get it? Raw? #dadjoke), Marquese Chriss is a freak athlete who can jump out the gym. He makes his living solely off of his athleticism and is a monster on the fastbreak, routinely catching lobs for highlight-reel slams. He’s not polished by any means, but that doesn’t matter, because just like your favorite sushi he’ll be a nice switch-up from the mundane meals you have all week.




IMG_18468. Sacramento Kings- Fried Chicken Wings and Fries (Jaylen Brown, SF, California)

BL: Standing at 6’7″ and 223 pounds, Jaylen Brown has all the tools to be a prototypical NBA wing (Get it? #dadjoke No. 2). There are questions about his attitude and maturity, just like the questions you ask yourself before consuming chicken wings and fries. But the questions go away once you get a taste of that greasy goodness. Brown will be Sacramento’s guilty pleasure.



3_steak_baked_potato9. Toronto Raptors- Steak and Potatoes (Jakob Poeltl, C, Utah)

DS: Jakob Poeltl does exactly what he’s supposed to do. He’s a seven-footer who dominates the paint on both ends of the floor, a great rebounder and defender with a deadly low-post offensive arsenal. Just like a classic meat and potatoes dish, Poeltl is a classic NBA center who’ll be a force on the low-blocks.



Loaded-Nachos10. Milwaukee Bucks- Loaded Nachos (Henry Ellenson, PF, Marquette)

BL: Melted cheese, pico de gallo, sour cream and guac over nacho chips. Versatility, shooting touch, low-post power and high potential over a 6’10” 240-pound frame. That’s what Henry Ellenson brings; he has a very high ceiling and can fit very well as a stretch-forward in today’s NBA.



bw2b09_shrimp_cocktail.jpg.rend.sni12col.landscape11. Orlando Magic- Shrimp Cocktail (Deyonta Davis, PF, Michigan St.)

DS: Deyonta Davis is unique because we’ve only gotten the shrimp cocktail appetizer version of him so far. He only played 18.6 minutes per game at Michigan State, but when he was on the floor it was clear that he has the potential to be an outstanding rebounder and defender. As his body continues to mature and his skill-set improves, he’ll potentially develop into the shrimp scampi main-course.



IMG_20160622_09495146012. Utah has traded this pick and conditional picks in the 2017 and 2018 drafts to the San Antonio Spurs for a $20 Arby’s gift card. San Antonio Spurs- (Skal Labissiere, PF, Kentucky)

BL: By no means are we saying Skal Labissiere is only worth of an Arby’s gift card, we’re saying San Antonio is known for it’s shrewd moves on draft day and moving up to get the Kentucky big man would be a huge steal. Labissiere failed to live up to his hype in his one season at Kentucky, but the possibility of greatness is there, just like the possibility of a Smokehouse Brisket sandwich is there with a $20 gift card.



ice-cream-sundae13. Phoenix Suns- Ice Cream Sundae (Wade Baldwin IV, SG, Vanderbilt)

DS: The Suns have two picks in the lottery and follow up their 7-layer burrito with a nice dessert. Wade Baldwin IV is a combo guard who can score and facilitate so he’ll be a very solid pick here for Phoenix.



Bacon-Cheeseburger14. Chicago Bulls- Bacon Cheeseburger (Denzel Valentine, SG, Michigan St.)

BL: Denzel Valentine contributes across the board, averaging 19.2 points, 7.8 assists and 7.5 rebounds in his senior season. He can play either guard position and would be a nice addition to Chicago’s offense despite concerns over his knee injury.





Be sure to tune in to SiriusXM NBA Radio for the NBA Draft on Thursday, June 16.